Laurent Gounelle. God Travels Incognito

This book came to me through a shared reading activity, when DarbaGuru colleagues read the book one after another and then passed it on to the next reader. The book's owner Sigita is a great book lover among us, so one must thank her for this initiative. Another colleague, however, sought out and bought this book for herself, contacting the publisher's distribution base. Hmm, I am also very much a believer in private ownership, yet with each passing year I understand more and more acutely that neither people nor feelings can be kept. Perhaps good books need not be kept either, but passed on, so that they may teach, inspire and open the hearts of others.

The novel tells the story of a young man, Alan Greenmore, whom we meet at the moment he is attempting to take his own life by jumping from the Eiffel Tower in Paris. Life has not been kind to him since childhood, when his father abandoned him in nappies, and his mother raised him alone as best she could. But now Alan has been abandoned again - his girlfriend Audrey has ended the relationship, left him without any explanation. Alan's life is full of questions without answers, without love and without self-worth.

Alan is prevented from taking his own life by a stranger, but as the book unfolds and its many plot threads are unravelled, it becomes clear that nothing is accidental. And no person in Alan's life is accidental. The main character, guided by a "chance" mentor, embarks on a path of personal growth, strengthens his self-confidence and achieves great success in his professional and personal life.

The book, written in very light and supple language, is in essence like good material for self-coaching, as Alan carries out the tasks his mentor sets, stepping out of his comfort zone and thereby transforming and growing, moving from the position of victim and becoming a person who accepts the situation that arises with equanimity.

"Love and the education a child receives from its parents can be unjust, and this truly affects their future opportunities. [..] but now you are grown, and it would be useful to broaden your horizons, rather than forever grumbling and lamenting your fate. [..] in nature a happy victim does not exist." (p. 43)

I will build this article on methods rather than a plot summary. Perhaps you will try to carry out one of the tasks yourself.

The first tasks were for overcoming fear and for learning to accept that you are allowed to think differently, allowed to object, to formulate your own wishes and to achieve what you want. Practising being different - "you are not always obliged to conform to what people expect of you; you need not adapt to others' values and criteria, but must dare to show your difference even when it is inconvenient." (p. 40)

Task #1: enter an ordinary shop, ask for a product, when it is handed to you find a pretext to refuse and ask for something else. Then repeat and invent a reason to refuse a second, third and fourth time. Finally say that you do not actually want anything and walk out.

Task #2: enter a luxury shop where you cannot afford anything. Stay for a good while, showing interest in things you will not buy, but examine them carefully and take your time.

Task #3: in a situation involving a very talkative person (for example, a taxi driver), object or assert the complete opposite.

"If you want the world to change, change yourself." (Mahatma Gandhi)

Next came practising the acceptance of others' difference and, where necessary, adapting to it - which helps one to communicate and connect with strangers more successfully. Communication takes place not only as an exchange of thoughts but at an emotional level. If you dislike a person, they intuitively sense it - it is impossible to conceal.

"Accept your neighbour's world, and they will reveal themselves to you." (p. 115)

Accepting another person's world lies in the desire to get to know it - even to the point of wishing to stand in their place, to get under their skin, to feel the joy, sorrow or anger they feel. The main character and his mentor play through several body language mirroring tactics, adapting to the conversation partner's postures in order to achieve connection.

Task #4: during a conversation with someone, observe their postures and try from time to time to adopt precisely the same posture as your conversation partner, naturally with a slight time delay. To understand whether you have synchronised, suddenly change posture and observe whether the conversation partner follows you.

Task #5: open a book and choose one word at random, then during a conversation with a stranger you must get them to say it. Try to lead and prompt them towards that word with questions, but you yourself must not mention it.

"Push him, and he will push back. [..] Pushing means that we want to impose something on the other, proceeding from our own position. Pulling means that we gradually draw the other towards us, proceeding from their position. [..] We enter their world - but in this case in order to help them change. Yet the starting point remains the same: find the other where they are." (p. 162)

Task #6: for one hundred consecutive days, every evening reflect on the day that has passed and write down three things you have accomplished that day and can be proud of.

Task #7: if someone comes at you with anger or to point out inappropriate behaviour, receive them with openness, invite them in, offer refreshment, show kindness, and in your thoughts send them love.

"When hearing unfounded reproaches, never justify yourself - otherwise you engage in their game. [..] Do not justify yourself, but ask them questions instead!" (pp. 185–186)

Finally, with deliberately chosen situations from everyday life, the art of persuasion was trained - so that in any situation one can achieve what one wants. Throughout the entire book Alan was encouraged to experiment, to dare, and to realise his dreams.

".. we cannot change people. We can only show them the path and then create the desire to walk it." (p. 363)